If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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