Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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