Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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