I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
