oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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