How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
