if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Are my feet made of real feet?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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