we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
