Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
