my phone needs a breathalizer
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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