I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
