What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
