I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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