you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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