I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
