So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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