You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
