It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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