I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
