Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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