Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
false alarm. still invincible.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
