can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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