A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
