did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
