I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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