I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
