it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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