She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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