i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
