just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
