Please, let me fuck your mom
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
