Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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