Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
