I just saw a hot homeless man
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
