Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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