Your mouth is God's brothel.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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