I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
