DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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