we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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