I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
