Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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