Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
