last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
