Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
