If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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