the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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