There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
