I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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