Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Green mimosas i think yes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
