My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
