I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had sex on a roof
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
